How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
