he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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