If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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