Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
