For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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