Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
