These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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