wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
