I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize