Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
