did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
