i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if only i could text you this smell
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
