dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
