Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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