I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
