she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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