ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
