dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
