Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
