She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
