You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
