Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
