The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
organizing the empties. That sober.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
