I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
