operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm just crazy horny about you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
