Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
