I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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