you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
