i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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