my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
