So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
