i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize