I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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