I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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