he thought i was a dude.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
