hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
