we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
