Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
