I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
