Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize