What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize