whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
