The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He better not be in your backpack
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
