Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
