ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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