Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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