how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
