apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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