dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
