then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh god the rape fog is back!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
