Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize