Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
