I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
