some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
