I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
