The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
