And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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