thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
