i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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