so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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