Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
