were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
