words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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