THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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