I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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