Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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