mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
