I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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