sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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