also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
