So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
